Recipe for EVIL

I've noticed that a feature of most highly-successful lifestyle blogs is a DIY section. Since knitting frustrates me and makes me feel like a spinster, I give you...

The Recipe for EVIL!

Ingredients:
Eye of newt
A piece of the Berlin Wall
One copy of David Hasselhoff's "Looking for Freedom" album (for ambience)
Four bottles of Britney Spears Curious Eau de Parfum (1.7 oz, preferably)
A strand of hair from the Oracle
One package of Totino's Pizza Rolls
Fourteen seafoam green Post-It Notes
A sheet of those plastic star stickers that glow in the dark that you can put on your ceiling if you have too much time on your hands and/or feel no need to get laid in the near future
One box of Franzia wine
A copy of the January 2008 edition of Tiger Beat


Instructions:

While I wreak havoc on the Earth with this concoction, I like to wear my Cher Farewell Tour t-shirt for good luck and solidarity. You are more than welcome to do the same and I'd be willing to loan you mine in exchange for a Blue Raspberry Fun-Dip.

This guy knows what's up.

Get out your cauldron and coat it with a fine layer of Pam. Evil is a bitch to clean up.

Put a piece of the Berlin Wall into your cauldron and douse with a box of Franzia wine. Save a glassful for later.

Add a few glow-in-the-dark plastic stars that you can put on your ceiling if you have too much time on your hands and/or feel no need to get laid in the near future. Bring to a boil and add the hair of the Oracle, Totino's Pizza Rolls and Eye of Newt.

The liquid should look like this. Now I'd like you to add 14 seafoam green Post-It Notes and play David Hasselhoff's "Looking for Freedom" album to add ambience.

Look at those soulful eyes....

Let the mixture simmer for the entirety of the album. Take this time to enjoy the glass of boxed wine that you wisely saved.

At this point, it should look something like this....

But without the hand. I always add one in for that WOW factor. May I also suggest that you store any severed hands you may have acquired in a GreenBag? Great stuff. Continuing...

Now extract your favorite page from a 2008 edition of Tiger Beat and rip it into shreds before dropping little pieces of it into the brew.

This is my fave.

Mix three bottles of Britney Spears Curious Eau de Parfum with the bubbling liquid and put in an old spray bottle. Let cool for about 20 minutes.

Finally, put on some Britney Spears Curious Eau de Parfum (the untainted bottle, you are supposed to have four bottles, yes?) and head out into the world. Spray everything you can with your LIQUIFIED EVIL and watch the chaos ensue! I tend to spritz water fountains, door knobs and the Miley Cyrus clothing collection for Wal-Mart first so the sinister effects of my evil fluid can hit the masses quicker. But the choice is yours, really.

No need to thank me for such a diabolical gift! However, let me know if you'd like to borrow my Cher Farewell Tour T-Shirt as early as possible. I need to get it dry-cleaned.

Lucy